What am I doing?

May 25, 2009 by

I need a place to dump stuff from my brain. I'm sorry for what I'm about to do to you, The Internet. Incomplete sentence ending an incomplete paragraph.

On some level this kind of thing is a practical choice to chronicle my trials and tribulations as a Systems Administrator at a tech start-up in Mountain View, CA. I can bitch about how much MySQL sucks and how I'm confused why people (including myself) keep using it when it lacks so many major features that should be a requirement for a production-ready relational database server: reliable and interruptable row-level replication, query rewriting, internal sharding or other write-scale-out options, an init script that doesn't timeout when trying to take over or let go of a 12GB InnoDB buffer pool. Or maybe I could try to explain that new "web frameworks" like Django and Ruby on Rails are rarely written with scalbility in mind, despite claims to the contrary. Sure they all take up the flag of scalability later on, but it's really something that should be inexorably tied to every facet of the design.

I really don't want to make another internet bitch-n-stitch, though. I'm more likely to write frankly about things that trouble me. Like everybody else in the history of humanity, I'm often left speechless when other people don't share my views and values. So many things I take for granted are often never even acknowledged let alone considered. Usually, I'm blind-sided by somebody who seemingly cannot put his- or herself in others' shoes. I know that simple fact means that I'm guilty of the exact same thing, which disturbs me even more. Does it make sense to say to onesself "Of course he didn't consider how his act would affect other people, he assumes people defend themselves as vehemently as he defends himself. Why would an act of his cause any offense to somebody who is exactly like him?" But then... why the fuck would everybody be the same? Is it stupid to assume people share your values? If you really believe it, everybody suddenly is very happy and approchable and everybody lives in harmony in your mind. It's awesome, but a lie.

I'm so very bad at clarifying my thoughts. I mean come on, did that last paragraph even almost make sense? No. I don't even know where to start in clarifying my disconnect between assumed basic values and percieved basic values.

I'm almost done for now, don't worry. Just a bit about myself... (would a colon be appropriate? This won't be a list) I'm a 20-something Midwestern transplant in the SF Bay Area. I led a pretty conservative life in the Midwest before I came out here and now I apparently live an appallingly conservative life. I'm not exactly sure what my bigger purpose is out here. I came out for a great job that I'd have to be stupid to turn down. I'm slowly realizing that cannot be my sole purpose to remain out here, otherwise I'd go crazy and lethargic. I need other purposes, smaller mini-goals to keep myself occupied and "justified" in staying so far away from home and (most of) the people I love. So what are some smaller goals? Make music, learn another language, join "the multitouch revolution" (see http://nuigroup.com/), find and make good friends, pick up a hobby.

Peace out.


Made by Adam for himself at addumb.com